Another round of potions on me
Sorry I haven’t posted in ages guys, life’s been really difficult recently, but these lovely pictures of ponds managed to cheer me up a bit. I hope they cheer you up too! :)
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Its just not fucking fair.
I spent half of my fucking life in toxic situations trying to convince everyone around me ( as well as myself ) that you loved me. And FOR WHAT? It makes me literally fucking sick to watch you having a blast and getting drunk when i went into debt and gave up 10 years of my life conforming to your needs. To save your fucking life. And once again, for what?
Its taken me over a year to write anything about how fucking angry I am. Or to even let myself be angry at all. But here I am, and I'm no longer embarassed to feel it. You DESTROYED my self esteem, pushed away every single friend i may have ever had, convinced me no one else would ever put up with me, that I'm crazy. And i believed you. And so did everyone else. No one knows how fucking emotionally abusive you are. Your facebook friends dont know who you were behind closed doors. Everyone always just accepted you. I was always the one who had to explain herself, to justify my actions. I was a person I didnt like for you. To keep you here with me. And the worst part is that you let me. You say youre so happy now and that youve never felt this way, things are so black and white for you. Ive lived with this shadow for too fucking long for you to just act like I was the reason for everything bad that's ever happened. For everyone to assume im some raging bitch that ruined your life. Well what the fuck about mine?
I know you wont ever take accountability. And that no one we know will ever fully understand the truth. But for me to finally, openly, wholeheartedly say fuck you Johnny, and the whole fucking Hodges family for that matter, brings me a peace i didnt realize i could know. And though i do, and always will care for you in some way, I dont wish you the best anymore. I dont wish you anything at all.
My precious big man
